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Bill Clinton announces: LHC just found a TOE!

Prof Willian Jefferson Clinton, one of the greatest scientists alive (see his 15,000 papers) and the U.N. special envoy to Haiti, gave an important talk in Davos earlier this year. It contains some spectacular news about science. Among other things, it explains that Bill Clinton's administration didn't stop the SSC.

Things might be different than you thought.

To say the least, Prof Bill Clinton proves that he has become a top expert in particle physics - much like his vice-president became a top expert in geology and climatology.

Press PLAY, omit the bulk of the talk about the world economy (and the carbon tax at the end), and switch to 52:50 or so, near the end of the talk. The gems of the talk are hiding in his answer to the last question "how the next 10 years of Prof Clinton will look like": they will be all about science (except for his wish to be alive and to be a grandfather).

You will learn quite some things. He says that he hopes that his mental capacities will remain as incredibly high as they are now: and they're really, really high, as you are going to see. In a few years, millions of people will be reaching out to Davos for each other. Don't you understand what I am saying?

It's simple. Consider the Hubble Space Telescope. It has possibly found the first galaxy in the Universe as well as a planet in another galaxy inside the Milky Way (wow!) that is just like ours (the planet is orbiting another star that is inside the Sun). Last year, Bill Clinton et al. discovered that unless you are a 100% sub-Saharan African, you are a 1%-4% Neanderthal.

Only Chelsea has less than 2% of Neanderthal genes so almost no one thinks that she resembles a Neanderthal.

It wasn't surprise for Hillary to find out that Bill was a Neanderthal himself - despite being the first black U.S. president - but it was news for herself that Hillary was also one, we learn. But that's how all of us work.

Most importantly, Switzerland is now the home of the Largest Superconductor and Supercollider (LSSC). If you're worried that some politicians during the era of Clinton et al. stopped the SSC in the early 1990s, because of the 1994 budget, there are happy news waiting for you. The Largest Superconductor and Supercollider was actually moved from Texas to Switzerland. The Neanderthals took those 90 kilometers of magnets and squeezed them to 28 kilometers of tunnels in Switzerland. But we still have smaller superconductors and supercolliders in the United States.

A piece of the SSC superconductor, including the CDF director whose size resembles a church, is being moved via tracks from Illinois in Texas through the Atlantic Peninsula to Cern in Bern in Switzerland where it would be known as the CMS director. Its friend ATLAS director is one-half of the Notre Dame Cathedral.

The first significant discovery came from the superconductor last year, in 2010. This discovery may offer us a key to how life began right after the Big Bang. It went approximately like this: bang-cluck-cluck (which also answers whether a chick was living before the egg: she was). The superconductor finally allowed us to do what Einstein wanted to achieve but he couldn't: to find a unified theory of biology and chemistry (wow!). And also physics, to be quite complete.

Einstein's-Clinton's-Sancho's unification theory of biology and chemistry based on superorganisms also predicts that the Large Swiss Superconductor will eat our little planet.

All of us - the wise men who studied elemental physics (for Czech readers: he means ementál physics, related to the Swiss cheese) - were taught that at the subatomic level (!), the positive and negative elements have to be balanced, otherwise matter would not cohere and we would all fly apart. But the superconductor discovered something about the smallest subatomic particle, the muon (who ordered that?!), namely that there slightly more positive muons in all of our atoms than the negative muons - an insight that the Swiss superconductor could confirm or reject.

The LSSC Superconductor has discovered that there are 42 trillion extra positive muons, the smallest particles in the world (tau, charm, beauty, and top have emigrated away from the multiverse), relatively to the negative ones in each atom of yours as well as someone else. This answers the questions on everything and proves all the world's religions.

As a trivial corollary, this discovery proves that all religious believers in the world are right, especially Christianity that has the plus sign as its main symbol (I hope that you remember the sign of the asymmetry!), and it will make you more optimistic. You will be as happy as you may be after seeing excessive antimuons in your own atoms. It also tells us how we came to this moment from the primordial slime. That's an exciting time to be alive: there's no reason to go around a hand-dog or to watch a handbag TV. However, the deep knowledge of science such as Bill's isn't quite and broadly enough embedded into the societies yet so that we could make consistently good decisions.

Prof Clinton hopes that before he dies, he will see the people on this little planet with the same sense of wonder as he sees in the mirror every day.

Thanks to John

One of the experiments unifying biology and physics at the Largest Swiss Emental Superconductor.

It's very nice and touching. He's of course a much better and more loving human than his former vice-president and it's a pleasure to listen to him but I would probably agree that he's even dumber than Gore. And this could actually be a part of the reason why the U.S. economy worked so well during his presidency.

BTW, after the initial hesitations, Clinton supported the SSC right before it was killed.

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snail feedback (6) :

reader RogerHill said...

In 1993, Clinton tried to prevent the cancellation by asking Congress to continue "to support this important and challenging effort" through completion because "abandoning the SSC at this point would signal that the United States is compromising its position of leadership in basic science".

The complete text of the letter can be found here:

reader Kamil said...

Israel is building new settlements in Palestine territory:

reader Luboš Motl said...

Dear Roger, I changed the wording so that it doesn't suggest any particular culprits of the cancelation of the SSC.

Kamil, your comment is really off-topic. But if you wonder why Israel is building houses exactly on the Palestian territory, it's because this is how the Israeli territory is being called these days. In the same way, Bohemians build houses on the Czech territory.

This Russia Today video made me laugh several times. I literally exploded when they say that "the government is cynically trying to suggest that the high housing prices and rents - that people complain about - could have something to do with the need to build new units."

In reality, the rents and housing prices surely have nothing to do with the number of houses that are gonna be build: the housing prices only depend on the amount of sugar in the ice cream. ;-)

reader Papa Zu said...

It's nice to see Bill interested in the TOE. He's starting to sound like Bush, "a thousand points of light", 41, who he has spent alot of time with. I guess that's what happens when you're lucky enough not to have to work your ass off for a living like everybody else, and can surround yourself with political sycophants and bathe comfortably in your own narcissism.

Is it me, or is anyone else completely bored to tears with the idiocy of the political elite? Oh well, at least Bill is trying his best to think about something other than CAMEL TOE which was the only TOE he spent a good deal of time thinking about in earlier years. :)

reader Kamil said...

Well if you call the palestinian territory Israel's, then where should the Palestinians go from there? Do they have to leave the so called Israeli territory and became refugees? If Israel is controling the land and building permitions, where should the new Palestine people build homes?

You see that jews has a right to that land, but I can't see a reason for it. Jews are conquering the land this way. I wonder if they don't have other land to build on. If they do, it is a pure provocation.

What would you say if the government has built a house in your garden, and used it as social housing.

reader Luboš Motl said...

Dear Kamil, could you stop with your completely off-topic and anti-Semitic rants on this page?

I have expressed my opinions many times. The Jews have been screwed by pretty much everyone else who was living around, so they lost all territory. Despite their having received 1/3 of all physics and other Nobel prizes and having done many other achievements, they didn't have any territory of their own - a unique thing among the nations.

This has led to their inhuman treatment by people like you the German Nazis 70 years ago. For this and other reasons, many of our Zionist ancestors helped to fight for the Jewish territory, in order to undo at least the most striking accumulated impact of the bad treating of Jews - the loss of any land of their own. The new land began to crystallize on the historically most sensible place after the war and in 1967, it got a reasonable and defensible shape.

As far as I am concerned, Palestine belongs to the state that is primarily Jewish, and its - so far, happily - dominant people are the most capable ones of figuring out a peaceful method to organize the co-existence or location of the Israeli Arabs.

In fact, I think it would be helpful if Israel received/was allowed to buy some additional territories in the Middle East and/or elsewhere.

The situation with my garden is analogous, indeed: it really doesn't belong to me.