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My Antarctic diary

Guest blog by Dr Alexander Ladislav Mrdelka

As a member of the Czech Globe, an EU excellence institute proving that the Earth is dying, I was honored to have been the only Czech researcher who participated on the Antarctic mission. Our goal was to demonstrate that the last ice in Antarctica is melting away. Due to the unsustainable crime against Nature known as the "economic growth", Florida and other states and countries will soon be submerged.

We were intrigued by the photographs from the previous expedition that investigated the impact of global warming on Antarctica.

Also, I wanted to get some suntan. In December, it's summer in the Antarctica. If you combine "summer" with "global warming", you get some pleasant temperatures. The Antarctica may already be the last inhabitable place on the planet; everything else is melting away and burning.

Since the end of November 2013, I was so excited! 80 years ago, an explorer went there and the place was already ice-free. If you're not a contrarian, it must be self-evident to you that the place must resemble the Californian beaches these days, after 80 years of global warming.

On November 27th, I and my fellow warriors against climate disruption boarded the Russian ship MV Akademik Shokalskiy. We sailed from a port in New Zealand to the South. And the "South", as all the people familiar with the scientific consensus know, means "warmer". Too bad that so many people are climate skeptics and they don't realize how wonderfully balmy the Antarctic weather is!

On the following day, our guru Chris Turney, a professor of climate change who also puts his money where his mouth is so he is earning millions from their Carbonscape Holdings Ltd company, energized all of us by stating the ice was melting. It was so exciting! He's one of the most enthusiastic experts in climate disruption. I was pleased to hear that our ship wasn't using any fossil fuels; instead, it was run by hydrinos, one of the renewable energy sources.

Chris represents the perfect harmony of a researcher. His company – well, he and his relatives own 18% of the company, 36 times more than even the famous superguru Tim Flannery – is earning the money from the fact that the Earth is being killed by carbon emissions, and his research is creating proofs that the Earth is being killed by the carbon emissions. In this way, his research directly produces wealth – without any carbon emissions! It is so clever and so sustainable. His company itself is a great proof that the deniers are wrong when they say that the economy can't work without fossil fuels.

On December 3rd, we got into polar bear rescue drills. The climate change has moved the habitats around so that the penguins now live in the Antarctica. We would be soon swimming in the warm Antarctic Ocean along with our friends polar bears, yay!

December 18th: The air-conditioning is out-of-control. Even though it must be balmy outside, they are cooling down the interior of the ship to something like the freezing point. If I had known that, I would have taken a sweater and gloves instead of the three swimming suits!

December 22nd: We see some floating ice around the ship. It must be the last pieces of ice that broke from the Antarctica and are going to melt. It's so fascinating to be a witness.

December 24th: When we woke up, the ship was stopped. We are surrounded by ice. Chris Turney assured us that the ice couldn't have possibly frozen in recent days because the climate is so warm outside. Instead, we are in the middle of some very old ice that has existed for the whole 6,000 years – from the beginning of the world to the present, the final days when the last ice melts.

My Indian friend Shralok Mlha who is sometimes producing some controversial ideas has asked how our ship could have gotten into the middle of the old ice. What an interesting question! I didn't think of that. So the smartest participants of the expedition were trying to find the answer. Finally, everyone agreed: it was done by the Koch brothers! They transported our ship to the middle of the ice when we were not looking.

We've been out for one month and I still haven't enjoyed the bathing in the warm Antarctic Ocean.

On December 29th, we were promised to swim with some young Australian or Chinese female activists. I couldn't agree but when I was offered a flight with a helicopter by Chris as well, I agreed. A great fact about these expeditions is that they don't cost anything. At most, the expenses are shared by carbon-emissions-producing countries such as China and Australia. But we can always say that they are those who have destroyed the planet so they must pay for that.

January 2nd: the flight with the helicopter was OK but no swimming. Perhaps, it will be better next year. The expedition has strengthened my belief in global warming. Even if you see lots of ice, you may be sure that it is just an illusion, a stunt by the Koch brothers. We saw more ice than almost anyone else – yet, none of it was real. None of it had anything to do with the climate. All this ice was floating in a hot ocean, the Antarctic Ocean, as the scientific consensus implies and the photograph at the top proves. It's a lesson you must remember when they show you another snowstorm as a "proof" that the Earth isn't burning. All snow is just a publicity stunt by the Koch brothers. In the real world, there is no snow.

I can't feel my fingers and toes right now. It will probably reduce my carbon footprint because I won't be able to fully push the accelerator pedal on my hybrid Porsche. I urge everyone who is not a climate denier to reduce his carbon footprint by going to the same Antarctic expedition and freezing his fingers and toes in this Koch brothers' ice. In this way, we may collectively save the Earth!

Thanks to my fellow traveler Kevin O'Brien for the inspiration.

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