Monday, April 02, 2007

CO2 becomes an air pollutant

The Supreme Court has decided that the carbon dioxide is a pollutant in the dispute Massachusetts vs EPA, according to the Clean Air Act. In a stunning 5:4 decision in which five activist judges - including Anthony Kennedy, a swing vote - defeated Roberts, Scalia, Alito, and Thomas who realize very well that the states had no standing, the second most important compound that defines life after water (H2O) has been put on equal footing with carcinogens.

Figure 1: Carbon dioxide, the culprit and an obedient ally of the devil, imperialists, capitalists, heretics, and deniers, and the most important toxic material to be regulated by the EPA. The reactionary poison was first discovered in the 17th century by Jan Baptist van Helmont who burned charcoal.

I would have bet 10:1 that this couldn't happen because it just seems completely insane to me. Clearly, I was wrong. Because the decision has left me breathless, at least I don't emit this illegal pollutant. :-) At any rate, econuts are slowly taking over America.

It's time for everyone to become carbon-neutral. Al Gore becomes carbon neutral by paying 0.1% of his profits from his most toxic zinc mine for a green logo on his energy bills. If you have no zinc mines, you may become carbon neutral by eating hamburgers in McDonald's more frequently. Every cow that they successfully kill for you to have a lunch was a nasty emitter of greenhouse gases. For example, this guy is carbon-neutral, too.

The following acts and processes cease to be legal:
  • respiration, breathing
  • combustion
  • fire
  • using electrical devices (electricity is fire by the law)
  • decay of animal and plant matter
  • fermentation, production of alcoholic drinks
  • production of cement
  • heating up oceans that release CO2
  • volcanic outgassing
I hope that the eventual ban of these worst and most obvious crimes won't cause too much inconvenience to you. We may soon see whether the Supreme Court is brave enough to ban the #1 greenhouse gas, namely H2O, as well. ;-)


1 comment:

  1. This is nuts do we kill the whales for breathing CO2 or suffocate the plants.

    HOw do you ban one of the planets most common molecules build a pipeline that goes to venus?