Saturday, September 08, 2007

Al Gore's jet: video

Gulfstream from Nashville

The author used to be the next president of the U.S.

First of all, thanks to the owner of this blog for the opportunity to show my new gadget. No particular reason, really.

As you know, our green planet is in a planetary emergency. This new situation requires me to have really fast means of transportation to have any chance to save the world for future generations.

I used to be the next president of the U.S. Frankly speaking, that would be pretty silly if I became one. For example, George W. Bush's salary is about USD 400,000 per year. He can buy an ice cream or two.

Indeed, it is much better to be a prophet. For example, I could have bought the cutie for USD 20 million or so.

We must save the Earth quickly

It should be obvious that the most important task right now is to explain everyone that global warming is real and its inventors are also real. So I decided to be very generous. Everyone is allowed to fly over Tennessee and see that my house in Nashville is real, I am real, and global warming is thus also real.

You may borrow my Gulfstream for USD 5426.95 per hour. If you prove that you are a user of my other invention, the Internet, the price is only USD 5326.95 per hour. Click the picture above to see details about the jet, about the deal, and a few more pictures.

P.S. Matt Drudge is jealous. If he were fighting against climate change as much as I am, he could have one, too. In fact, he could have seven of these private jets!

On Sunday, Sean Hannity of FoxNews will prove that my private jet works and my plans to save the Earth are therefore also good. I hope it will secure the 2007 peace Nobel prize for me. I can't wait. I plan to buy solar panels for my Gulfstream.

Another comment. People often ask me how much fuel I need. Well, Gulfstream makes about 1 mile per gallon: it's like 30 cars or so. If we fly around the Earth, we need about 40,000 gallons which is not a big deal: it's the volume of a cube 5.3 meters times 5.3 meters times 5.3 meters (thanks, Mayifu) - a house of oil. If M-theorists are right and there are 10 spatial dimensions, the side is only 1.65 meters long even though you must identify cubed meters with ten-dimensional hypercubed meters. ;-)

Of course, my jet is carbon-neutral because I am Al Gore. Why? When I speak, millions of other people return to the Stone Age and billions of people are not born at all. I only increase my consumption by the same amount that the rest of the world saves: that's called neutrality. Whenever you borrow the jet from me and you pay in advance, the flight is carbon-neutral for you, too. For every hour you pay, hundreds of Indian kids will be collecting cowpats for two weeks.

Moreover, there exists another simple reason why jets like mine should be used all the time: as soon as the Gulf Stream would stop, America would become much hotter!

We need to save the planet really fast. My friend Leonardo DiCaprio only uses a private jet owned by his friends because his eco-movie only earns 10% of An Inconvenient Truth. Ha ha. The boss of CosmicVariance who also wants to save the entire planet from the poison called carbon dioxide (even though he dares to say that he is not my fan) has bought Jaguar XK 8 convertible (2004): 16 miles per gallon in the city. Everyone who cares about the climate should buy a jet or at least a speedy car. You should also buy a Prius or a train to be even more carbon-neutral.

And that's the memo. (Hat tip: Larry)

Frequently asked questions

Many people will be asking FoxNews and others whether this story means that there is no global warming. Let me give you my answer. It doesn't. But what it does show are primarily two things:
  • many of those people who want to act as moral leaders are actually moral dirt
  • it is an unrealistic, socially unacceptable idea to expect any significant decrease of our use of the fossil fuels in near future

Concerning the second point, even if someone were willing to change his way of living in a certain way, he has no right to expect the same thing from others. But if such a person is not willing to change himself, I think it is completely insane to expect that others will be willing to do it.

This question is a different one from the question whether the temperatures will jump 0.4 C as I expect or 4 C as radicals think during the 21st century. It is a question whose essence is moral, political, and psychological in character. Even if the warming is gonna be high, the available facts indicate that people will prefer the business-as-usual plus increasing temperatures over deindustrialization.

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