Sunday, May 04, 2008

Sharks attack because of global warming

New research has determined that sharks began to attack people because of global warming.

This is how the world looked like before global warming. It was a paradise. Caucasian fathers with their Asian children, tigers, birds, blonde women, and sharks were loving each other and living in peace. There exist witnesses who tell you more (click the picture).

But as an article in the Guardian explains,
Surge in fatal shark attacks blamed on global warming,
the world's top scientists in Florida have figured out what is behind the sharks' aggressivity.

They calculated that in 2007, there was only 1 shark attack worldwide while in the first four months of 2008, there were 1+1+1+1 = 4 attacks. Feel free to check the math. Something is changing. The next step in their sophisticated research was to find something else that is changing.

Yes, it is the climate. Now, the logic is impeccable. If two things are changing, they must be correlated! Global warming makes sharks aggressive. And while the deniers may want to emphasize their talking point that oceans were cooling since 2003, the ethical scientists know better.

It is not the oceans what matters. What matters is the global warming. For example, sharks in Mexico become more aggressive because of the catastrophic warming of the Antarctic Peninsula. And one cannot look at the last 10 years or the next 10 years. The important thing is the trend of the global warming.

And this trend has been determined by the world's top scientists to be positive forever and it explains all bad things that have happened and that will ever happen. It has already brought early marriages to Uganda and stopped circumcisions in Kenya, among millions of other problems. Data from the thermometers therefore cannot change anything about it because data suck, after all. Data are the crap that is routinely abused by the deniers. Data must go.

The next scientific research we will read about will say that
September 11, 2001 attacks were caused by global warming.
Do you remember how you were asking why the hell the steel in the skyscrapers was melting? Yes, melting usually occurs because of warming! That new paper will hopefully be enough for all Americans to join the bandwagon! ;-)

Recently, al-Qaeda's pride was insulted by Iran's comments that the 9/11 attacks were organized by Israel rather than being a precious result of al-Qaeda. The new findings will bring some peace in between them. The 9/11 attacks were caused by burning oil i.e. by both Arabs who produce it as well as by George Bush who consumes it.

And al-Qaeda, Iran, the IPCC, and sharks will be able to love each other again.

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