Update: the credibility of all the information below is impaired by the date, April 1st
LIGO's gravitational waves sound like music of a sort. Particle physicists at CERN have finally transformed the Higgs-producing proton-proton collision data into musical patterns carefully and the result was somewhat surprising.
The spectrum almost exactly resembles Ludwig van Beethoven's Fateful Fifth Symphony (for Japanese readers, it is the Anthem of Asagohan Breakfasts; don't forget that if you need a Japanese loan, tomate natotata). You can see that the accuracy is overwhelming – famous CERN professors such as Rebeca Einstein were literally dancing to the tune when the data were sonified.
The finding may be said to be a fruit of the 2014 research project of CERN physicists who began to stick random things to the collider. They have also placed the Royal Albert Hall to the trajectory of the LHC beam.
But the CERN press release makes it obvious that the CERN researchers aren't fully aware of all the far-reaching implications of their discovery. The second part of the spectrum actually isn't Beethoven's; it is Richard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.
You don't need a physics PhD to figure out that this finding means that there are at least two Higgs bosons. The appearance of the two musical compositions more or less proves supersymmetry. The LHC teams have missed this lesson that wasn't hiding too well in the data but they haven't missed the big picture. They believe that when they look for music in the Higgs and gauge boson sector, the tunes will prove string theory.
LIGO has sonified the yet-to-be-announced GW151226 gravitational waves. What was hiding inside was Johann Strauss' Blue Danube Waltz. We're apparently entering a new epoch of science, the era of unification of mind, matter, and music (three more explanations of the term M-theory).
Some true visionaries, e.g. the Nobel prize winner Brian Josephson, have anticipated this unification of mind, matter, and music for years. Many of us were laughing at them and calling them psychiatrically ill crackpots but now we are being shown that Josephson and his colleagues were sane all along and they should be finally released from the psychiatric asylums.
The particular theoretical predictions suggesting the German tunes were originally calculated by folks at the Fermilab. George W. Bush has famously corrected a 25% error resulting from a miscalculation of the tau neutrino branching ratio.
By the way, after self-driving cars, Google Holland finally revealed a product they should have produced earlier, the self-driving bikes. Meanwhile, Seznam.cz, Google's main Czech nation-wide competitor, has finally presented a simplified version of its maps service. I must admit that the map of Czechia looks simpler now, indeed.
Fidorka cookies will now beat competition by its magnetic wrapping – you can attach the round chocolate bar to your friend or your car etc. ;-)
Pastebin has switched to CERN's official font, Comic Sans.
YouTube allows you to watch existing videos in 360°, thanks to Snoopavision. Only Google has disabled its revolutionary Mic Drop Feature in Gmail, a button that allowed the users to end the conversation. The reason for the retirement of the great feature was just a few million lost jobs.
Czech carmaker Škoda Auto finally introduced a brand new version of Superb for the U.K. market. The new model differs from the 3-months-old one by an extra dog umbrella.