Monday, February 17, 2020

A cute Czech bank robbery in Switzerland

Chur, Switzerland

Lots of events around us are full of violence, existential threats, and hatred. On Thursday, Chur, a town in Southeastern Switzerland, had the opportunity to see the advantages of criminals imported from Czechia over those from the Middle East and other regions:
A Czech robbed a bank and ordered a beer (DE)

Bank robber owes me six francs (DE)
A 55-year-old Czech man came to the main hall of a Cantonese bank, Graubündner Kantonalbank, on the Poststrasse 2. He drew a starting pistol and shot in the air twice, carefully avoiding the people.

My compatriot ordered the bank clerk to pay a few dozens of thousands of francs (conveniently enough, one Swiss franc is very close to one U.S. dollar). Robbery succeeded! He had to spend a lot of energy to do this hard work. It was time to find some new nearby restaurant. He believed that Switzerland was a developed country where lots of restaurants may be found very close to each bank but he was partly mistaken.

So he walked a whopping 206 meters before he could finally find a place that serves food, Ela Coffee & Cocktails, Reichsgasse 57, to get his well-deserved food. The manager of that business, Ms Eliane Steingruber (31), pointed out that he was a really calm, truly magnificent Gentleman. This is the kind of a consumer that I want here 24 hours a day.

He ordered a steak, he had clearly a řízek like this in mind. But Steingruber kindly pointed out that her restaurant is one of those that want to turn humans into herbivores. The closest thing to a steak that she could offer were croissants and pies. The Czech man had to make a hard decision: he wants to eat nicely, he deserves a steak, so should he eat things like a kid? The answer was clearly No. He asked for a beer. Thankfully, enough, Ela Coffee & Cocktails does sell beer (although Beer isn't included in the name of the business).

At least, he could drink some liquid bread, as we call it here. But even that had limitations. Suddenly a gang of bureaucrats dressed as a riot police (see above) invaded the cake shop – as if they were preventing a new 9/11. And they took him away, asserting that he violated some regulations while earning his money. Ms Steingruber boldly claims that the Czech Gentleman owes her six francs. I have doubts about that. Was he allowed to finish his beer? And can something like beer cost 6 francs at all? He could get a pint starting from 1 franc in Pilsner restaurants. (Most Czech commenters primarily analyze the value-added tax on beer: now we have several brackets for it, depending on where and how you sell and drink the beer LOL.) If a restaurant manager cannot protect her consumers from some aggressive guests who don't even order anything, she shouldn't expect him to pay.

Steingruber posted a highly informative banner on her business saying: "You don't need to rob a bank to order a beer here." At least morally, the man deserves to possess a part of the intellectual property that was needed to create this advertisement. When she earns some extra tens of thousands of francs because of this publicity, she should get the Czech man from the prison (I hope that they are giving him the Viennese steaks at least in that prison) and give him the bank money back – I guess that they stole the money that he earned in the bank from him.

Also, I encourage Ms Steingruber to write a Czech translation of the banner and prepare some traditional Czech Viennese steaks for new Czech Gastarbeiter (and thousands of TRF readers) who will come to her business. A Viennese steak is also a pie – one which was processed through a pig.

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